I'm still me

I count every second. Every minute. Every hour. Every day. Every month. Every year.

When December comes, I play the record again. Again. And again. Repeatedly.

It has already been 4 years since we left the school.

Who are you now? Are you still the same or did you change somehow?

I am still nobody. I have nobody. I am still being myself.

Do you still remember me?

I’m the one who used to walk very fast, with serious face and hard to give a decent smile to strangers.

Yes. That’s me.

I still hate nut. I hate chocolates. I hate cheese. 

but I really love blueberry cheese cake I don't know why. Perhaps, it is one of my sister's favourite. 

I still go crazy with chocolate banana cake. yummy.

I still love tulips. how I wish abah will buy me a bunch of it on my graduation day. ha ha. 

I still go insane with bookstore. 

I’m still in love with sundae that costs me only RM2.

I’m still climbing the roof like I did before.

I’m still listening to your favourite songs. I play it again and again so I can feel you like you’re right beside me.

I’m still in love with tea strawberry flavour.

Do you still remember me?

I still laugh out loud when I am stressed.

I’m still throwing away the calculator when the situation is getting stressful.  Now, I throw it on the bed. Thanks God.

I’m still crying when I do revision. I always know in the back of my mind what the real deadline is. 

I’m still throwing tantrum by hurting myself. I don’t care if I’m bleeding. Ahh. I’m still me.

I’m still keeping my inbox empty.  And keep all the sweet messages in other folder.

I still adore books! They keep me awake at night and searching for it as soon as I wake up.

I’m trying not being a recluse like Emily Dickinson. Ha ha. 

I’m still living in the memories with Wana. I can't fool myself.

It always take me to way back. Back down to memory lane.

How I wish she is still alive. 

And I could ask her for a hug. Al-Fatihah.

Ahh. I’m still me.

I still. 

this is for you, dear friend , sometimes you have to know how to use telepathy. have a try to be a mind-reader.

#notetoself : orang kata jangan tulis emo dalam belog.